My husband and I were married in 1978, and we had our first child in 1994. When we were celebrating her birth with family, my father asked me, "What took you so long?" I told him that we delayed having children until we felt grown up enough to be able to be good parents. My father laughed and said, "You should have told me that a long time ago! I would have told you that you don't grow up until you have children. Children force you to grow up!"
Now that our children are young adults, hindsight makes my father's comment more poignant. Our children did indeed force us to grow up. It is the grand irony of parenting. All along the journey of raising our children we assume we are teaching our children and helping them to grow up to become fully functioning, healthy, and happy good citizens of the world, only to discover how much they have influenced and taught us. We discover the truth that we learn best what we teach, and our children inspire us to be better citizens. Our love and hopes for them, and their love for us compel us to be more, care more, and do everything we can to make our world a place in which they can live happily long after we are gone.
We discover we would do anything for our children's wellbeing, even sacrifice our lives. No other love is as strong and purely unconditional as our love for our children. The bond we have with our children is sacred, transcending any other type of relationship. Our children make us more forgiving, less judgemental, and more compassionate with everyone. As my husband commented, "Before we had children, I thought I knew what love is, but nothing compares to this love. Now I really know what love is."
Indeed, my husband and I have learned love is patient and kind, and it is forever. In addition, it requires self-awareness, constant self-improvement, and the courage that only faith in a higher power can provide. We have changed significantly from our parenting experience. We could never return to who we were before we had children, and we would never want to. As we reflect on how much our children have changed us, we know they will always be a big part of us. No matter how far they fly from the nest, they will never be far away. They will always live in our thoughts and hearts.
All the moments we have had with our children remain with us forever. I will always see our daughter's baby-blue eyes and furrowed brows looking up at me, studying me with a penatrating stare. Her first belly laugh that literally knocked her over is an eternal moment in my mind, and I will always kiss her tiny and delicate hand.
The first moment I met our son is fresh in my mind too, as though it is happening right now. I feel his fingers clinging desperately to my shoulders when the orphanage's caregiver tried to take him from my arms. Always too, is the moment of his first smile when I played peek-a-boo with him in the twilight of the Carpathian Mountains.
Forever, I will see our daughter skating around the ice rink for the first time without falling, gleefully shouting, "I did it, Momma! I did it!"
Forever, I will see our son's little hands fluttering like butterflies all around the house, eager to touch and learn about everything in his new life. Always, I will hear him humming in perfect pitch to a song he is hearing for the first time, and always, I will see him rocking back and forth in a rocking chair, saying, "I feel like a flame in a fire going up and down."
Forever, I will see our daughter on stage in a Winnie the Pooh costume, holding a honey pot and singing, "Of all of the colors. . ." in the most angelic voice my ears have ever heard.
Oh, I could write a book filled with nothing but the most wonderful moments with our children that still make my heart overflow with love and gratitude every day! Forever, I will hear them calling to each other, "Costa. . ., Costa!"
"Katrina. . . Katrina? Katrina! Where are you?"
Forever, in the dark of night I will hear our children calling to me, "I love you, Momma! Good night, Momma! I love you!"
And I will always call back, "I love you too! Sweet dreams, my loves! Sweet dreams!"
Anyone who is thinking about starting a family, consider yourself forewarned. If you love your children, they will force you to grow up. You will change forever, and you will be grateful you did.
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